A Sermon on Modesty

Preparing for Mass is a wonderful thing, full of anticipation. I look forward to walking beneath dawn’s pinkish light, feeling the chill morning air and hearing bells announce the beginning of yet another day. However, some things I do not look forward to. There comes a time when the teacher must rebuke, when the shepherd must goad his sheep…better now than too late it seems.

When I arrive, rapt in silent reverence to pray the holy liturgy, I notice some others do not share the same view. Some talk loudly on the steps, waiting till the last minute to come worship, others wander the transept as if having nothing else to do, and yet others arrive at holy Mass dressed more fitly for the taverns!

Holy as I strive to be, I am still a man and not immune to carnal distraction. I will without fail notice when a woman approaches with her shoulders and neck exposed. At times, I feel glad that I face away during the most-holy consecration, that I cannot see bands of pale flesh when my mind should be on hallowed things! Shame on you who consider not clothing your daughters in modesty! And shame too, on you young men who present yourselves with wrinkled cuffs, messed hair, smelling of cigar smoke! It is not my duty to lay your dress out for you but if it were, I would teach a lesson in appropriate reverence!

Elder ladies, I look upon you with dignity and respect. Your hair, greyed with wisdom, is a token for us all. But, some of you too have acted shamefully, gathering before the sanctuary after Mass to chatter and improvise daily plans. Have you no parlor or den to gather in? The sacred place isn’t for gathering but for adoration. You rich, you sneer at the poor who behave crudely then proceed to discuss hunting and cards in front of the altar rail! Go elsewhere with it all!

Oh you florists and craftsmen, I admire your works but please do not sell them here! You eloquent speakers and idealists are dear to my heart but find a more suitable place to reveal your dreams. You gentlemen, who wear long coats, feathered hats and medals, can you cross the threshold before donning this finery?

Thus it is written: “You shall worship God with reverence and godly fear for he is a consuming fire.” Even Moses, the greatest forefather, needed to remove his shoes when approaching hallowed ground.

When you gather, be ever mindful that this place is unearthly, be mindful of the lamp of God’s presence, keep prayerful; stay silent. Sing with the harp of your voices at the entering antiphon, speak solely pure words here and only embrace your neighbor at the sign of peace.

 “We will go into his tabernacle: We will adore in the place where his feet stood.” (Psalm 132:7) Amen.

Lessons about Polite Society -sponsored by Cardinal Fratelli

             

      1.) Titles are very important.


Titles are a way to distinguish a person from everyone else. Basic titles include Mr. and Mrs. which distinguish whether you are talking to a fine man or a lovely woman. More advanced titles are often bestowed on someone who is anything but what they describe. Doctors, for instance, poke and prod more than they teach- then charge lavishly for it. Reverends usually fall to their knees only when they’ve dropped something on the ground. However, despite any of this, addressing a person by their title is surest way to gain favor in polite society.


2.) Put downs are always subtle. 


No one in fine society will tell you that are a disgusting low-life in that many words. Instead, they will gently say your shirt is dirty then refuse to shake your hand. This is the rich’s man’s version of cursing at you. However, instead of dropping a foul word, they will use adjectives like: “slovenly”, “shameful” and “rubbish”.

3.) Always pretend to understand art.


Even if most paintings are to you, a blob of various colors slathered onto a canvas, try to seem engrossed by them. Phrases like: “This is an exact commentary about modern society” and “Oh, dear, he must have been suffering.” are very popular. If someone says one, particular work of art means something, exclaim that it means a totally opposite thing. For some reason, this makes you appear insightful when amidst cultured people.


     4.) Never discuss money.


For some odd reason, people who have money don’t like talking about it. When interacting with those in high-society, never mention your budget. Any acknowledgement of a budget seems to indicate a limit and once people think that you have a limit, they will be asking about it. This is for the sole purpose of comparing what you have to what they have. Therefore, it makes things very messy.

5.) Give generously to the church.


Even if the affluent aren’t particularly religious, they always fill the collection-plate. It is the only way in which they can express their feelings. Rather than give comfort to a homeless man and bear being in his presence, the wealthy will throw some money at them then run away. When a birthday arrives, the best gift is always monetary. Piety also equals money. Simply put, no one can question one’s devotion when they’re giving the church more than ten percent.


     6.) Down is good-even in the summer.


Wealthy people need a comfortable place to lay their heads…and stash their money. Nothing suits this purpose more than pure, down linens. Down conveys luxury and cleanliness- also soothes the weary backside. Even during hot summers, down always looks swell. It simply says: “I am the best”.




7.) Eldest sons must marry and have large families; the second-eldest becomes a priest and the youngest carries on the family business. It is always in that order.

       In polite society, privilege always goes to the oldest son. He is the bearer of the family name, the protector of his younger siblings and often the most unbearably spoiled. If the eldest son becomes a priest however, the order is upset and your family has failed.
      The second oldest son is bestly suited for priesthood, as the middle-child, he overlooks attention, feels awkward around girls and therefore understands humility rather well. If he marries, it is fine.
Youngest sons are always good at staying close to home. Thus, they should carry the family business. If his family is larger than your oldest son’s, you have certainly done something wrong. If he enters priesthood, it will be a waste of the shrewd business-sense you spent so much time teaching him