Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts

Monday, October 7, 2013

Recollections on a Rainy Day

             It is raining outside, a dreadful pour that blocks the streets. I hear carriages trot past but cannot see them and can't help but wonder if the roses are being well-watered. Unfortunately, the cold weather and my plentiful duties have long kept me from the garden. How I should love to walk there!
Folding my hands, I pretend ever so successfully that the thunder doesn't frighten me. My mind recalls a storm this bad, many years ago, when I was only nineteen years old, an ambitious seminarian, completing my 2nd year. I had been staring out a cloister window, fascinated by heavy rain that beat upon the bottled glass. Glass back then was made from cheap, green bottles. From behind came Renaldo, who quickly shoved past me to peer out. Catching sight of a couple fleeing the waterlogged road, he pointed and laughed:
“Look how that pitiful man must go back for his wife! I’d maybe go back for my breviary…”
Soon, some four young men gathered there, pushing and shoving. They longed to see the couple but grey clouded everything. Leonardo, the oldest, straightened up and rather predictably, intoned a sharp C in his deep, tenor voice. Catching on, the others joined their eager youthful voices.  Between old, stone cloisters, rang a new song, trying to sound ancient- but altogether silly: the chant of the seminarians. That year, it went like this:

           When I was a young man, I dreamt my wedding day...
            But there was no bride in white.
            and it would last forever!
                       
            Oh my beloved is Chastity!
She won’t nag or ask for things.
            nor drag me from place to place!
          
         I’m a seminarian- soon to be ordained…
            Thomas Aquin my best man,
Blest Mary bears the ring.

            Poor Clare supplieth roses,
            and good Joseph, the rod breaks.
            On the day I’ll say forever!

            Oh, sweet chastity, she is my bride.
            Oh, sweet chastity, so free! 
            Celibacy but a small price to pay.

            Yes, a woman’s tempting, very nice.
            Her eyes and lips all made up nice,
            But on that day, I’ll swear forever.
           
            Of Latin our tongues are burdened,
              all day long: Amo, amas, amat.
              In principio Verbum erat!

               The Matin bells we ring,
              over the mountains, Te Deum sing,
            early, early, to the choir scurry!

            In cassock and surplice, 
             shew yourselves clean, alert
            and ready, like angels on the wing.

                In deep philosophy, our minds swim,
             at morn we ponder, St Ambrose
               and Augustin.
     
                 And at eventide, theology runs a race,
                  like hounds of heaven,
                 corrected over and over.

              Joy makes no dull boy,
            our tongues shall let loose:
            O sweet chastity, shall be my bride!
             
            Say, I’ll be a priest.
            Death comes for wives and children
but the altar’s always there…

Introibo ad altare Dei,
Io, io! ~the rest you know!





Now that I think back on it, this was a very frivolous song, made up by frivolous youth and "perfected" over the years- but perhaps containing several grains of truth? I am not sure. I must watch the rain a little longer and decide... 

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Recent Happenings

I have noticed my relative scarcity of updates on this blog and I apologize. Let me tell you what has been going on in my life...oh yes... and at the cathedral.
We recently acquired a new priest, Father Bertone. He is native to Florence and used to more hustle and bustle than what Lucca offers. Though musically-inclined, he butts heads with Deacon Gregorius, who has more traditional tastes. During his third Mass, poor Father Bertone only needed hasten the tempo of "Aquae Babylonis" to get Gregorius in a ruffle!
A woman, named Priscilla, held her husband's funeral at the cathedral. After the requiem, I sat with her and offered condolences. In turn, she asked me permission to upkeep and straiten the sacristy, which has been rather disorganized of late. Last Sunday, maniples of all colors were laying around- except green ones. I admit it, we have trouble finding things... so I gave permission. Priscilla is very good at organizing. She makes sure that the correct maniple can always be found...even ensures they match my chasuble. However, the altar boys are uneasy around her.  Giuseppe, our oldest server, has developed a liking to her and follows her around, causing a ruckus among the other boys.
On August 15, I met with various clergy and discussed many things. After two hours of serious discourse, Dina served us the most-delicious, pepperoni calzone and red Moscatto wine. I'm ashamed to admit, we drank too much... Monsignor Barolo ended up singing the full overture from "Don Giovanni" while Father Simone fell asleep on the couch. Of course, this was where I wished to sleep. It didn't go over well... Arguments about who got there first, who had the biggest shoes and who took vows of obedience ensued. I'm not proud of this...

Next summer, I will be ordaining seven priests and three deacons. Very exciting! We also will be accepting four new seminarians. Please pray for our young men who seek priesthood- it's very important. Joyfully, I write this... not only does Giuseppe promise to become a priest (that is, if Priscilla doesn't marry him) but Dina's own adopted son, Gianni, has expressed wishes to enter seminary. How splendid!!

My, my, it has grown rather late. I suppose I shall write more when the proper time comes. Please know that everything is good here. The cathedral is vibrant as ever. Our boys' choir will be preparing for the season of Advent and three, young women are soon entering St. Martha's convent. There is really nothing more to say. I conclude with thanksgiving for the Lord's goodness! May He be praised forever, who has set the stars into place. May He be exalted above all, who has divided the sea. May glory be forever unto Him who has sent His Only Son for man's salvation!!

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

A Vacation for Cardinal Fratelli has been published!!





A new Cardinal Fratellli book is out!







The fifth book of “The Misadventures of Cardinal Fratelli series.” A cardinal’s life is full of duties, documents, appointments and ceremonies, this young Fratelli knows well, and after a series of comical mishaps gets him to realize he’s being overworked, he decides upon a lovely vacation in Pisa to the south. He heads along the coast of Italy, reluctantly taking Gianni and several servants with him, including Jan, intent on soaking up the sunshine and lovely scenery.  
However, Fratelli soon finds that even vacations can be thorny as the friendly Archbishop of Pisa wants help with many things, Gianni soon lands himself in trouble and the pestered cardinal just can’t seem to get any time alone! Will Fratelli get the vacation he’s always wanted- or disaster?

Available on Amazon and Kindle!

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Mass with Gianni



Mass with Gianni, my oldest altar-boy. He looks like an innocent angel but is not. How do I know this? Because I spent most of the morning peeling chewing gum off the bottom of my episcopal slippers...

Friday, April 19, 2013

A Frustrating Day for Cardinal Fratelli (part II)


Throughout dinner, Cardinal Fratelli managed to avoid Veronica’s flirtatious glances. He hoped her father would intervene but he was already too drunk with wine. Thank goodness, Fratelli thought, he hasn’t asked for more. In order to be rid of the temptation, the cardinal quickly poured a last glass and drank it.
Noticing, Sergio laughed.
“No more wine?” he asked.
“No.” Fratelli said.
Veronica giggled at him while her mother, Julia, yawned.
“My dear, I am tired,” she mumbled, “It is so late. Should we be off?”
Yes,” Fratelli interrupted before the sluggish Sergio could reply.
Getting the message, Sergio stood. He shook crumbs off his fine attire, straitened his hair and helped his wife from her chair. Veronica unseated last. She seemed reluctant to leave, almost disappointed. Perhaps upset she cannot ogle me anymore…Fratelli mused. Of course he didn’t say anything about it. With polite smiles, he gave Sergio and his family farewell, guided them out and blessed them on their way.


~ ~ ~

 When their carriage finally disappeared from sight, he closed the door and sighed in relief. “Now, I can have quiet,” Fratelli said, “…and peace.”
However, his stomach began churning, uneasy from that last, quick drink of wine. Not yet going upstairs, he strolled into the parlor where he blew out the only candlelight, signaling that all in this house were asleep- and thus unavailable. Cardinal Fratelli realized he was never quite unavailable. The rigors of his office called at all hours. Even in the late night, someone could need him. A widow could knock at his door, a prisoner flee to his cathedral or a random penitent appear. Indeed, he could be summoned to give some poor soul final anointing…He was constantly on guard against these things.
“Oh Lord, how can the servant expect rest when he was made for work?” he asked the darkness. No one answered. He spoke again.
“Your Eminence,” a voice suddenly said, “Who are you talking to?”
“Oh Rodrigo,” he exclaimed, seeing a white-robed figure perch on the staircase, “I was just conversing with my Lord.”
“Let me know if he ever talks back,” the priest sneered. He didn’t mean to be rude and was just tired. Cardinal Fratelli hid his irritation. He approached Father Rodrigo, put an arm around him and said, “Let us retire. The morning will not be long, my stomach hurts… and now my head hurts.”

Monday, April 1, 2013

A Frustrating Day for Cardinal Fratelli (part I)


Early in the morning, Cardinal Fratelli woke up. Still yawning, he rose, washed, opened the shutters to let sunlight in and dressed. Immediately, he noticed a hole in one of his red, silken socks.
“Oh no…” he muttered, casting the “ruined” sock aside.
Standing, Fratelli hopped to his dresser drawer where he searched for another sock. There were no other socks there. Moreso, Dina just took all his dirty socks to be washed. Fratelli grumbled, retrieved the discarded sock then put it on. He hoped the little hole wouldn’t get bigger.
When Father Rodrigo knocked on the door, Fratelli came and followed him into the chapel for morning-prayer. Despite the early hour, they found it easy to concentrate and chant their praises:
Come let us sing to the Lord…and shout with joy to the Rock, who saves us…”
After the prayers were finished, Fratelli emerged first from the chapel. Already, the smell of breakfast cooking wafted into his nostrils. Now, the cardinal usually celebrated Mass at the cathedral most mornings but it was Wednesday and he would not go to the cathedral, yet would have his own, private Mass later. As the others walked off to the cathedral, Fratelli heard bells chime. Happily, he smiled because this meant he would be first to arrive to breakfast, the smell of which was by now, driving him nearly mad!
Perhaps too readily, Cardinal Fratelli strode into the dining-room and sat down. Seeing Dina just setting down a stick of butter, he asked:
“Is it ready yet?”
“No, not yet, Your Eminence,” Dina replied.
“Oh, please make it soon,” Fratelli moaned, “ I am simply famished!”
The housemaid only laughed at him.
When Dina brought back a plate of grape jelly, the cardinal absentmindedly dipped a finger in it to have a small taste. But, she had seen him!
“Your Eminence!”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” he said.
She shook her head then walked off. The rest of breakfast needed preparing and she couldn’t bother herself with the impulsive cardinal.
Fratelli sat there, restless and hungry for an hour. When the others returned from Mass, Dina finally laid out their meal: Eggs, spinach, hard toast and ham. With an austere gesture, Fratelli blessed the food then eagerly helped himself. When Dina poured his tea, he thanked her.
“Why don’t you join us?” he added. 
“No, Your Eminence, I’ve still much to do,” Dina said.
Fratelli frowned, feeling bad for her. Yet, Dina liked to work. He understood it was a simple thing that brought her happiness.  
Finishing his second cup of tea, Fratelli excused himself. He spent most of the morning in his office, reading documents, writing letters, signing documents. As noon sun climbed high and poured through the office window, Fratelli leaned in his chair and rested. Even though he expected an audience soon with some prominent people of Lucca, maybe he could steal a nap? Tiredly, he eyed the large, blue-coated book he’d recently began reading and for a moment, rested his head on it. Very soon, he drifted off to sleep.


~ ~ ~

After waking, Cardinal Fratelli helped himself to hot tea, grapes, rolled prosciutto and bread-sticks. Munching, he longingly looked out the window. Many birds flew by. He worked a little more in the office, grew bored with the blue book and set it aside. It was time for afternoon Mass anyway. Father Rodrigo came and fetched his green vestments. They were not his favorite vestments, the cloth was rather old and crinkly, feeling course against his hands. Yet he said nothing. Halfway through the initial prayers, one of the candles flickered and died out. He stopped speaking and stared at it.
Rodrigo patiently waited. Eventually the cardinal continued but he couldn't resist peering at that silly candle, wanting to relight it. It detracted him throughout the entire Mass.
Just as Fratelli removed his vestments and strode from the chapel, Dina met him.
"Sergio Ricollina and his family are waiting for you," she said.
Can't I have a minute to myself? the cardinal mused.

~ ~ ~

Now, Sergio and Julia Riccollina had a daughter named Veronica. She arrived to the audience late. Having long, dark-brown hair and bright, blue eyes, she was one of Lucca’s loveliest women- and it was no secret she sought for a husband. Sergio Riccollina proudly smiled as she entered the room. How he cherished his dearest daughter, clad in a blue dress that hugged her figure, smiling radiantly.
“It is an honor to meet you, Your Eminence,” she began in a rehearsed tone.
“You as well,” Fratelli answered.
The previous conversation was forgotten as Veronica sat in a chair beside her parents. Happy to have all the attention, she continued speaking:
“Oh, how glad I am to see Lucca’s beautiful cathedral! Maybe I can come there by myself some time and pray?”
“Yes anytime,” Fratelli answered.
She kept looking over at him and by now, he grew rather uncomfortable. When she winked at him, fluttering her dark eyelashes, the cardinal stood up and walked to the window.
“Maybe it is time for you to be leaving?” he asked.
“Not yet,” said Sergio, “It is time for a glass of wine.”
It was about supper time… Anxiously, Fratelli removed his red skullcap and groaned. On the way towards the kitchen, he stopped in his private chapel. Bowing before the altar, he spoke:
"Oh Lord, keep me from being irritable this evening. Give me peace. St Joseph, most kind, pray for me, that I remain pure in heart."
He crossed himself delicately then left. Supper was already waiting for him, roasted lamb with squash ravioli and greens. Sergio stood when the cardinal entered. But Fratelli was too occupied with how delicious it all smelled- and avoiding Veronica's glance. Caught in a reverie, he almost passed his seat.
"Your Eminence," Dina sighed as she helped him to his place.
"I am sorry" Fratelli replied, "It has been awhile since I ate..."

Monday, March 18, 2013

Tea with Cardinal Fratelli, # 17


From: Mary,
“Your Eminence, we just lost our family-dog, Buddy. This will be my children’s first experience of loss and I don’t know what to say. Should I tell them that Buddy is in heaven? Should I tell them that animals don’t have souls and they just go away? Help, I’m tongue-tied!”


Dear, Mary.
My, you have such a beautiful name…but yes, about the dog. I sympathize with your loss. Animals can be wonderful companions, even when they steal food from the table and sneeze on you… It’s best to inform your children about death in light of God. In this case, I wouldn’t declare it anathema to tell them dear Buddy is in heaven. The Good Lord created all animals and I’m sure he takes them all back somehow. Moreso, their crying, tantrums and begging for another dog will be eased by explaining that one day, they may see Buddy again.
In Christ,
Angelo Cardinal Fratelli.

Tea with Cardinal Fratelli, # 16


“I am 42, a single mother and am seriously thinking about becoming Christian. However, there are different churches in my town and I don’t know which one to attend. I am just starting out with this and need a place that is comforting and accepting, where they won’t look down on a silly convert like me.
Sincerely,
Joyce.”


Dear Joyce,
Firstly, praised be God that you are considering the Christian faith! This will be so good for you and for your children- even if they are grown. Your spiritual journey will be hard no doubt, and confusing since there are indeed many, various churches which teach different things. Now, I’m not one to push and pry but the church that will benefit you most is one steady and well-established… anything founded after 1300 AD is probably no good. Also, stay away from churches that sing 60’s rock songs made into hymns…
Why don’t you come to the cathedral for Mass? I’d be very pleased speaking with you and sorting things out. This world we live in can be immensely chaotic and painful but verily, as you have discovered, Christ is the answer!
Yours in Christ,
Angelo Cardinal Fratelli.

Monday, March 11, 2013

Oh no, not a conclave! - Part I

When I arrived to Rome yesterday, I noticed my leg had fallen asleep. Stepping from the stagecoach, I almost fell! Luckily, my secretary, Father Rodrigo, caught me. He told me I must be careful. Rome is always a very exciting place for me. They have the best calzone and make the creamiest tomato soup, which was perfect on the cold day I arrived. There was some rain in the air and I prayed the Lord would keep me dry and warm. I don't tend to have good luck with rain as it usually finds some way to evade an umbrella and get my little zucchetto all wet.

Now it was getting dark when I arrived. Many people were scurrying about, their attention drawn to the lamps being lit, restaurants opening and the occasional cardinal who darted by hoping to be unseen. Must I say, I dread being fussed over!

As I approached the Piazza of St. Peter's I suddenly wondered what it was like for the chief apostle of Christ to walk these very same streets. Was he bold, standing on a monument to proclaim the love our Lord has for us? Did he baptize many in the Tiber River nearby? Was he afraid soldiers would come to arrest him? Rome was a place of wonder to Peter but in a way, it was his own garden of agony. He knew he was going to die there as Jesus foretold, he probably wrestled with this. However, the once weak, cowardly apostle now rose courageously to meet his suffering. He stood in this square, condemned to death and still lifted up prayers. He didn't care for the cruel world which hated him and hated his message, he knew he was going to be with the Lord. His sadness would be eternal joy!

That is somewhat how I feel. This is my first conclave and all I know is that being in a room full of cardinals is dreadful. There will be much bickering and posturing. We, being sinful men, assert ourselves at the most awkward moments...like when I tried to enjoy a bit of supper.

 I didn't want to be asked about my opinions on democracy, other religions and reforming the Roman Missal when I was tired, cold and hungry. I am going to suffer in these next days, I know it. Hopefully, I can lift my voice to God and think of the innumerable things He has stored up for those who love Him. I hope I can act according to His will...and not raise my voice at anyone. True courage and strength amidst danger comes from God. Power comes not from man but from God. I remind myself that it was only because of the Rock of Salvation that Peter could become a rock of the Church.

After I had eaten only one spoonful of that splendid tomato soup I mentioned earlier, I was approached. Two of my fellow-cardinals spoke in loud voices. One asked if I think he would make a good pope. Merciful goodness! They sat right next to me and fought over a pitcher of water, wetting the table right where my zucchetto had been laid. Frustration and suffering indeed! I put the zucchetto in my pocket. At least, I can keep it safe. Cannot say the same for myself.




(disclaimer, Cardinal Fratelli is not an actual cardinal of the Roman Catholic Church but a fictional character.)

Monday, February 18, 2013

A Vacation for Cardinal Fratelli, ch. 13,14-15


Chapter 13.
                        A Restful Day.

Lazily, Cardinal Fratelli woke the next morning. He crawled out of bed, dressed and said morning-prayer out on the room’s small balcony. He was staring at bustling streets below when Gianni’s voice interrupted him.
                        “Let’s go swimming!”
                        “No,” Fratelli said quietly, “It is not proper for me.”
            Mario emerged into the room holding a plate of food as an anonymous servant carried in a teapot. He left, taking Gianni with him. After the boy’s scuffle, they wouldn’t leave him unattended. Fratelli sat down to breakfast and silently ate. He wished for a nice, quiet day. Suddenly, Gianni came back in.
                        “Can you come swimming with us, please?” he begged.
                        “No” was Fratelli’s final answer.
            After finishing his meal, Fratelli grabbed his broad saturno, walked downstairs and snuck outside. He knew Jan and Mario would be upset about this but he needed to get away. That, after all, was the point of having a vacation… He easily slipped between the crowds, happily unnoticed and crossed the street. The sun climbed higher, looming over him. Though Fratelli’s head stayed cool from the broad hat, his body felt warm and he loosened his buttons. Just when he decided to sit down in a shady area, Rodolfo, the archbishop, approached out of nowhere.
                        “Good morning, Your Eminence!” he cried.
                        “Good morning,” Fratelli replied, nodding respectfully.
            Fanning himself from the sun’s heat, Rodolfo fidgeted with his glittering cross and then spoke;
“It’s a hot one today! So glad to find you… Can you come with me to the cathedral?”
Fratelli nodded again. It wouldn’t be right to refuse; he concluded but followed very hesitantly. Rodolfo noticed, turned around and eagerly gestured with his hand for him to hurry. Fratelli groaned. Seeing Fratelli’s frown, Rodolfo figured to start up a conversation.
                        “Did you enjoy the dance last night?”
            Now smiling, Fratelli answered, “Yes I did. In fact, I dreamed that I was dancing…”
                        “With Lydia?” asked the archbishop, suppressing a grin.
                        “No, with Michele.”
                        “Who is Michele?”
                        “Oh, she is a friend of mine.”
                        “A pretty friend?”
            Fratelli nodded a third time then replied, “Yes, she is married now… thank the Lord.”
Both men smiled. The sunlight and sounds of the lively city were pleasant. Two large seagulls flew overhead squawking. Salty air wafted around them. When they reached the green bank around the cathedral, Fratelli looked towards the oddly leaning bell tower.
                        “Would you like to go up there?” Rodolfo asked.
                        “Why, yes I would,” said Fratelli.
            Rodolfo looked awkward, reaching beneath his purple robes to snatch a key-ring. It jingled as he searched for the right one and unlocked the tower’s door. He gestured for Fratelli to go in first. Inside, cool air relieved him and damp dark. He removed his hat as Rodolfo followed after. Fratelli glanced up with amazement at the wide, looming bells. Morning dew still dripped from the cold metal. One drop landed on his nose and he snorted. Slowly, Fratelli climbed the spiral staircase and stopped, looking out an arched window at the city square. Several carriages shuffled past, people milled about. Some, probably vacationers like himself, paused and pointed in their direction.
Resting his hands against the cold, stone wall, Fratelli sighed. He thanked God for this restful moment. It was perfect up here. Eventually, however, he stepped back down the stairs, slowly as he’d come, and emerged outside. Keeping thoughts inside, he simply smiled while they strolled to the cathedral.
When they reached the central aisle, a thin priest appeared with several white-robed choir boys in tow. Rodolfo wanted more help with them. Instead of frowning or groaning, Fratelli patiently sat down. Standing next to Rodolfo, the priest looked as his exact opposite, lean and gaunt while the archbishop was plump and rosy-faced. The boys squirmed and stared at Fratelli as he rose.
                        “Let us learn to properly chant today,” he began.
                        Their little eyes fixed on him.
            Delicately lifting one hand, Cardinal Fratelli opened his mouth and intoned a chant, “Kyrie Eleison…”
                        The boys haphazardly repeated it. The cardinal cringed then tried again:
                        “Kyriiie, Eleeison…”
            They responded better this time. Fratelli stood there and worked with them for about an hour. When the boys learned to properly chant the Kyrie, albeit rather roughly, he slumped down in a pew and sighed with relief. Rodolfo laughed, watching the weary boys leave then turned to the equally weary cardinal.
                        “A handful aren’t they?”
                        Fratelli wiped his forehead, expressing silent agreement.

In appreciation, Rodolfo took Fratelli for a lunch of baked bread, cheese risotto and roasted crab soup. Arriving back to the hotel alone, he saw Mario standing near the doorway, worried and frowning.
                        “I needed to be alone,” Fratelli explained.
            Though still upset, Mario decided not to speak. He escorted Fratelli back to his room where the cardinal laid down for a nap.

A nearby chime announced the hour of one ‘O’clock as Fratelli stirred and rose. He combed his messy hair then strolled downstairs. He spent most of the evening milling about the hotel’s small library. Most of the books there were fictional but either romantic or about war. He vaguely flipped through them then began straitening the shelves. Later, he joined the others at supper.
Gianni, who had just returned from swimming, continued bothering Fratelli to swim. At last, the cardinal walked away. Mario followed.
“No, please stay. I am just going to stroll by the seaside,” Fratelli said, “I will be back soon.”
                        They understood and let him go.
            Trekking over soft sand, Fratelli eyed the moon, which formed a perfect, white circle, almost floating atop the waves. Silver light hit his smiling face as he listened to murmuring waters. The beach was entirely deserted. Fratelli gazed around, looking for a sign of life. Nothing but the moon, sand and sea accompanied him. Sitting upon a smooth rock, he removed his socks and dipped one foot into the sea. Its coldness startled him yet soothed after such a warm day.
His mind turned to swimming. Could he? Maybe he would just wade a little? Once again, Fratelli gazed around and saw no one. Quickly, Fratelli removed his outer shirt and pants, folding them neatly and waded almost waist-deep into the water. An abrupt, swirling wave soon knocked him off balance. He fell completely in! Spitting and squinting, his head emerged, still looking very surprised. “Well, I suppose I’m swimming whether I like it or not,” he mused to himself. In playful fashion, Fratelli spread out his arms and paddled in a circle. Then he dove, touched the sandy sea floor and re-emerged. His laughter echoed into the night.
He came out of the water, sat on the rock to dry off and spoke a grateful prayer:
O Precious Lord, thank you for this day, for this restful day. I suppose swimming isn’t as bad as I first thought…this night was perfect for me. Truly, the sea is full of wonder, your creation full of wonder.”
Suddenly something sticky and rather cold touched his leg. Seeing a tiny octopus wandering onto his foot, he jumped, shouting and shaking it off.  He snatched a stick and warily prodded the gooey creature back into the water.  When Fratelli returned to the hotel, still slightly wet with his hair dripping, Jan rushed forth with a dry towel.
                        “Oh, Your Eminence,” he gasped, “Did you fall into the ocean?”
                        “Sort of…”



Chapter 14.
                        The Rush.

On Sunday, Cardinal Fratelli rose early to celebrate Mass at the cathedral. He tried to give Rodolfo’s breviary back but the archbishop told him” Please, keep it.” Morning sunlight poured into the hotel bedroom as he began packing for the trip home. Gianni watched him carefully fold his clothes, including his red cassock along with an assortment of stockings. Gianni had previously shoved all his wrinkled clothes in a suitcase. He was ready to leave this place with its taunting locals and impatiently waited for the cardinal.
                        “I’m missing a stocking,” Fratelli suddenly said.
            Gianni snickered but one look silenced him. Fratelli began searching around and finally dug a scarlet stocking from beneath the bed. He sighed and packed it with the others.
                        “Can we get some gelato before we leave?” Gianni then asked.
            Mario glanced at his timepiece and gestured to indicate they had to leave soon. Fratelli began speaking but Gianni interrupted, “Please, we’ll be really fast.”
The cardinal shrugged. He too yearned for one last taste of the cold, savory treat. Mario took their bags while Fratelli departed with Gianni in tow. They promised to be back very soon.
Jan appeared, holding a large handbag. He peeked into the room and asked, “Where is his Eminence? We must be going soon.”
“He went for one last cup of gelato,” Mario answered.
Jan set the bag down and groaned.

Reaching the gelato-stand, Fratelli quickly ordered one chocolate cup and one cherry.
“I’m sorry sir, we are out of cherry,” the vendor said.
Fratelli shrugged.
            “I suppose I can try something different… I’d like chocolate then.”
Squinting in the sunlight, Fratelli leaned against a wall and ate the creamy dessert. Gianni suddenly tugged at his sleeve.
“Your Eminence,” he said, now pointing at the clock tower, “It is time to go.”
“Don’t you remind me what time it is,” Fratelli snapped then started towards the hotel. Gianni darted ahead of him and they increased their pace to a steady run. Gianni arrived first just as Jan and Mario were exiting the hotel. Fratelli lagged behind panting.
“Come on, Your Eminence, we will miss the noon train,” Jan cautioned.
They boarded a carriage and Jan urged the driver to go fast. Fratelli had barely sat down when the carriage bustled forth at full speed. He fell over onto Mario who steadied him. Gianni laughed, his body being tossed about. It was fun for him! Fratelli on the other hand, clenched an armrest and frowned. Within a half hour, they reached the train station. Fratelli was last to step down as Jan pointed and cried out, “Look, the train is preparing to leave!”
Indeed, curls of white steam rose into the air as heavy, metallic pistons began to churn.
“Oh no!” Fratelli shouted, making a headlong dash.
The train hadn’t started moving yet, so they still might make it! Gianni outran him and quickly jumped aboard the train, signaling the conductor to stop. His voice lost amidst an increasing clatter, the conductor mouthed the words: “Hurry!”
Mario reached the train next and handed over Fratelli’s bags. Suddenly, there was a jolt. A loud screech rang out and the huge wheels came alive. The train was leaving! Jan’s feet scrambled for a lower step, Mario helped him aboard and Fratelli lastly approached, running frantically. He shouted in frustration, knowing the pavement was scraping his fine shoes, gathered strength and leapt up. Mario’s strong hand caught him. While Jan patted his back reassuringly, Fratelli went inside the cabin. He breathed heavily from exertion, wiped his sweaty forehead and smiled faintly.
“Thank you O Lord!” he gasped “but I do not want that to ever happen again!”
The conductor took their tickets and led them to a private compartment. It looked very much like the place they sat before, probably was the same place. Saying nothing, Fratelli sat down in a plump seat and sighed with great relief. He lifted up his shoes and saw deep, scuff marks in the polished, black leather.
“Oh, my shoes…” he moaned.
“It is okay, Your Eminence,” Jan said, handing him a steaming cup of tea, “here.”
“Why, thank you,” Fratelli replied, taking small sips. The hot beverage calmed his nerves and he rested, staring out the window as trees and buildings blurred by. Now, he opened the crinkled pages of Rodolfo’s breviary and recited noonday prayer. Yes, he was rather late but remained content and at ease. Lateness seemed to be the tone of the day…
           



Chapter 15.
                        Home.

The train rhythmically clattered over the tracks. Fratelli leaned his head on one hand and stared out the window. Then gently, he reached for one of his bags and checked inside to make sure Dina’s teapot that he’d bought was still in one piece. Peeling away paper padding, he saw it looked fine. He checked the other gifts, careful not to reveal the licorice tin, and saw they were also safe. Sitting back in his seat, he sighed contently.
 Gianni, growing restless, asked to explore and Mario escorted him from the compartment. Now, it was just Jan and the cardinal. They eyed eachother but said nothing. This continued for several moments until Jan spoke,
            “Thank you, Your Eminence.”
                        “For what?”
                        Jan answered, “For being so gracious to me.”
            Fratelli suppressed a groan at the flattering words but knew that Jan truly meant it. Four months ago, when they’d met, Jan was serving the arrogant Lamberto II, son of the Duke of Tuscany. He practically begged Fratelli to hire him instead and the cardinal obliged. Since then, things were well. Feeling idle, Jan stood up and offered to fetch more tea.
                        “I would like that,” Fratelli said.
            Jan returned followed by Mario and Gianni. The boy began prattling about train wheels and steam, obviously amazed at this mode of travel.
                        “I want to be a train conductor when I grow up,” Gianni said.
                        “I thought you wanted to be a cardinal?” Mario replied.
            Fratelli straitened in his seat, smiling, secretly delighted at hearing this. Gianni gave him an apologetic look then concluded, “I’ll be both!”
They ate a light, satisfying lunch. Fratelli took the bowl of olives and mixed them into his bowl of cold ham salad. The hours dragged by into evening and then into night when at last; Lucca’s walls and flickering lamplights became visible from the window.
                        “Oh, we are home!” Fratelli shouted excitedly.
            The train began slowing and Fratelli prematurely jumped up, ready to leave. Suddenly the train stopped and jolted him. He tumbled back into his seat.
                        “Oh, Your Eminence!” Jan cried, rushing to help him.
            Fratelli nudged him away, stood and dusted himself off. Then, assuming a dignified air, pretending nothing happened; he opened the compartment door and led them out. Lucca’s ornate station greeted them. Tiredly, Fratelli stepped down onto the platform and yawned. Jan grabbed his arm to steady him.
                        “I’m fine,” the cardinal mumbled.
            They bid Mario a farewell and began walking to a stagecoach that waited. Wordlessly and wearily, they boarded, even Gianni making no sound. When they arrived to Fratelli’s dimly lit villa, the hour already drew past midnight. Dina came outside, carrying a bright lamp as Fratelli stepped onto the grass.
                        “Oh, Your Eminence, we’ve missed you!” she said.
                        “I missed being home as well,” Fratelli answered.
            He followed her inside and the smell of stewing vegetables hit his nose. His sides started aching…he didn’t realize how hungry he was. Gianni, of course, darted into the dining room and helped himself to the warm pot. Fratelli whispered a short blessing as the boy scooped food onto his plate. Then, he also ate. Rodrigo came from upstairs, himself looking very tired and met them.
                        “Oh, am I glad to see you!” Fratelli cried, “And you too Dina!”
            “I am very glad to see you, Your Eminence, it’s been hard work running this place without you. Now I may be in need of a vacation,” Rodrigo replied.
They laughed together. Dina took Gianni and went home for the night. Fratelli secretly wondered how she would react once learning of Gianni’s scuffle and the ruined suit. The hour was getting too late for thinking. Sitting at the table, he stifled a yawn.
“I must retire,” he said.
“Go on, go on,” Rodrigo said, “Your bed is waiting.”
Cardinal Fratelli readily went upstairs, washed his face and then lay down. He fell asleep fully-dressed, not bothering to put covers on. The next morning he awoke along with the rising sun. Yellow light warmed his skin as he sat up and stretched. He felt relaxed, vivified and very content, ready to face a new day. He washed, dressed in his usual red cassock and then went downstairs.
Oh, a beautiful morning indeed!” Fratelli said to himself, “Thank you Lord for such a restful vacation! It has restored my strength and whatever this day holds I shall meet with anticipant vigor!”
             While excitedly rushing to breakfast, his feet slipped on the hall’s Oriental rug. Hearing a clatter and a thud in the hallway, Dina smiled. He was back.

       ~ The End.